"Oh God, Reeg, it was awful. That Aiken thing put his hands on me. I wanted to just VOMIT!"
Regis thought to himself, "Damn, what I wouldn't give to have Kathie Lee back."
"Sweetie, you've done the same thing to me a thousand times."
Kelly rolled her eyes and flipped her hair back, "But Reeg...my hands haven't been down a man's pants...oh wait, there was that one time when Mark was backstage..."
Their conversation is interrupted by a caterwaul....
"REEEEGIS!! KELLY!!! IT'S MEEEE!!!!"
Both hosts turned white. It was their stalker..again.
Regis quickly regained his composure and called for security, "You God Damn assholes get that thing out of here..NOW!!!
As the 5 security guards hauled the 500 lb man thing out the back door he started wailing plaintiffly, 'BUT REG!! I was there at your wedding!!! I know Liza!! and Whitney!! And Kelly!!! I was there at your wedding to Mark..and at your honeymoon...and down the street from your house...and even in your bedroom one time sniffing, er wearing Mark's underwear...."
Kelly shook her head, "How many times has Rockhead snuck backstage now, 6 or 7?"
"I don't know, but how the heck does someone that large get past security all the time?"
Friday, November 24, 2006
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Showdown at the OK Corral 2
barz looked at axel.
axel looked at barz.
The heat was shimmering off the dusty street.
"You know what? You ain't worth my time" barz said as he moved his hand away from his holster and slowly backed up.
"I knew you were a worthless chicken shit" axel laughed, spitting on the ground. The next thing you know, barz was clutching his chest. Red seeped through his white shirt. He collapsed to his knees.
"You worthless piece of...."
And then he fell over. Dead.
axel looked stunned. He hadn't fired. But he did see a figure walking up the street. Black chaps, pink boots and a pink shirt. Curly jet black hair barely contained by the diamond studded white cowboy hat.
"Who in the name of Hoo are you?" axel asked.
A purse fell.
"I'm the San Franthico Kid. But you can call me Scott. Isn't this fabulous?"
to be continued.
axel looked at barz.
The heat was shimmering off the dusty street.
"You know what? You ain't worth my time" barz said as he moved his hand away from his holster and slowly backed up.
"I knew you were a worthless chicken shit" axel laughed, spitting on the ground. The next thing you know, barz was clutching his chest. Red seeped through his white shirt. He collapsed to his knees.
"You worthless piece of...."
And then he fell over. Dead.
axel looked stunned. He hadn't fired. But he did see a figure walking up the street. Black chaps, pink boots and a pink shirt. Curly jet black hair barely contained by the diamond studded white cowboy hat.
"Who in the name of Hoo are you?" axel asked.
A purse fell.
"I'm the San Franthico Kid. But you can call me Scott. Isn't this fabulous?"
to be continued.
Around the World in Eighty Days
In an effort to outdo Benjamin Nicholas as the King, excuse me, Queen of dishonest escorts, Scott Adler writes over at EscortSpeak:
Finally, this will be my 49th cruise. The 26th of which I will be
doing this particular Ensenada run. It's a family tradition every
year and it's the perfect cheap weekend getaway whenever you want
especially living in LA. Your questioning my loyalty to cruise
lacks your ability to actually utilize reading comprehension in what
I write.
Makes one wonder, as did Escortspeak mod BewareofNick, whether Scott began "cruising" when he was a tender lad of 17.....
Cory say. Scott, stick to swimming. At least that requires you to keep your mouth shut.
Finally, this will be my 49th cruise. The 26th of which I will be
doing this particular Ensenada run. It's a family tradition every
year and it's the perfect cheap weekend getaway whenever you want
especially living in LA. Your questioning my loyalty to cruise
lacks your ability to actually utilize reading comprehension in what
I write.
Makes one wonder, as did Escortspeak mod BewareofNick, whether Scott began "cruising" when he was a tender lad of 17.....
Cory say. Scott, stick to swimming. At least that requires you to keep your mouth shut.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Metropolis Mailbag
The mail has been piling up here at the old New Hooville mailroom, so I thought I would answer a few of the questions that some of the readers have been asking.
To LK: No, I am not Chgoboy, JTRetardinBrooklyn, Rico, Cody Cosmos, BewareofNick or Scott Adler
To MB: I can't imagine that anyone there really likes him, but what can they do? I suppose we could ask Bruiser and Mayday
To 2Deep: Probably Doug69 and woodlawn
To CB: $500 and a room at the Hyatt Regency
To RH: Yes, dear, and I suppose you were the one who finally got through to Whitney too.
to KR: Not even with Tom Delay in a dress
Got a question or a comment? Post here on the News or write me at newhoovillenews@yahoo.com
To LK: No, I am not Chgoboy, JTRetardinBrooklyn, Rico, Cody Cosmos, BewareofNick or Scott Adler
To MB: I can't imagine that anyone there really likes him, but what can they do? I suppose we could ask Bruiser and Mayday
To 2Deep: Probably Doug69 and woodlawn
To CB: $500 and a room at the Hyatt Regency
To RH: Yes, dear, and I suppose you were the one who finally got through to Whitney too.
to KR: Not even with Tom Delay in a dress
Got a question or a comment? Post here on the News or write me at newhoovillenews@yahoo.com
Monday, November 06, 2006
The Re-Return of Erik Ethan Mcalister
Over at Escortspeak, it's looking like they're getting to rumble. We speak not of the childish feud between mbarz and ChgoAxelTake, but of the return of dotan10 in the guise of one of his earlier persona, Ethan (also known as Erik McAlister and TheReasonPeopleHateLawyers)
Get out the popcorn and pull up a chair....
Get out the popcorn and pull up a chair....
It's safe to say I've Been Nicholized
skrubber returns from the dead to add a significant and thought provoking ROTFLMAO to deej's Dilbert post.....
It seems that the object of skrubber's obsession, one Benjamin Nicholas, is highly pissed off at Lance Bass's husband, Reichen. The Amazing Race star wrote a book in which he gives a recounting of a highly erotic rape. Poor benji was probably going to publish a 15 minutes about one time when he was romantically raped and is pissed because Reichen beat him to it.
We at the Hooville News think that Benji has eaten one feci too many.
It seems that the object of skrubber's obsession, one Benjamin Nicholas, is highly pissed off at Lance Bass's husband, Reichen. The Amazing Race star wrote a book in which he gives a recounting of a highly erotic rape. Poor benji was probably going to publish a 15 minutes about one time when he was romantically raped and is pissed because Reichen beat him to it.
We at the Hooville News think that Benji has eaten one feci too many.
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